What I Believe The Bible Says About Marriage And Homosexuality

A Biblical Worldview

In light of the current controversy over the issue of homosexual marriage and the opinions that have been flying around, I thought it would be helpful for us to look at what the Bible says on the subject. In the first part of this post I will look at how the Bible defines marriage and what the Bible says is the purpose of marriage. In the last part of this post I will look at what the Bible has to say about homosexuality. My hope is that this post might bring about some clarity for those curious what the Bible actually says on these subjects.

I will do my best to not show any bias to the right or left side of the political spectrum but rather write as a Christian who is committed to the sufficiency of the inerrant and infallible Word of God. Though certain politicians or sometimes even political parties may line up more closely with a biblical worldview, the Bible is clear; the Christian is an elect exile, a citizen/representative of heaven, an ambassador for Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:1, John 17:14, 2 Corinthians 5:20)… My allegiance is to God first and foremost and I hope to write in a way that shows that to be the case.

With that in mind let me address briefly my worldview, just so you know where I am coming from. I am of the conviction that the Bible is the inerrant, infallible, all sufficient Word of God; this means many things for me, but the most important part of this worldview is that I believe that Jesus is who the Bible says He is and did what the Bible said He did. I believe in absolute truth because I believe statements that Jesus made such as when He declared Himself “the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). I believe the Christian Gospel makes a comprehensive claim to all areas of life and thought. Most people’s problem with the Bible is that it does not change with the culture, but in my view this is a good thing because “there is nothing new under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9), and “there is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death” (Proverbs 14:12).

I am well aware that I am a sinner saved by grace. I understand that I have a fallen nature and that my views are not perfect, nor is my interpretation of the Bible, but nonetheless I will do my best to explain what the Bible says on these issues as it was intended to be understood. There are many people who love Jesus and have very different views of what the Bible says on these issues; that is fine and I am glad they have a right to their opinion, however, my hope is that after reading this you would see that their interpretation is hermeneutically detrimental to the text and that a literal interpretation of what the text says is the right view.

In this post I will go through quite a bit of Scripture, some of it I will expound in detail while other passages I will just breeze over or perhaps just let the passage speak for itself. This post is not meant to be exhaustive but merely to go over the basic beliefs the church has historically held based on the Bible. With these things in mind, let’s get started…

What is marriage according to the Bible?

In Genesis 2:18-25 God sees that it is not good for man (Adam) to be alone; He decides to make Adam a helpmate. God makes the woman from a rib of Adam; when Adam sees God’s creation he says, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man” (Genesis 2:23). After this exclamation of joy from Adam the Scripture goes on to say, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This text has classically been the text that Christians point to for the creation of marriage. With that in mind I would like to point out three things from this passage.

1. God is the creator of marriage, not man.

This truth speaks volumes in a day and age when the culture is trying to redefine marriage. Marriage is not ours to redefine, it belongs to God.

2. God created marriage to be between one man and one woman.

This combined with the first truth we pulled from this text shows us that God is the creator of marriage and only He has any right to define what it is, and He has done so; marriage is a covenantal union between one man and one woman.

3. In God’s design for marriage the wife is given as a helpmate.

The man is established by God as the head in the marriage, but not in a way where he rules and reigns over his wife like some sort of tyrant. The man is to love, lead, and serve his wife in a way that is for her good and God’s glory. The woman is to love, submit, and serve her husband in such a way that she comes along side her husband and helps him to better serve God and their family. God said it was not good for man to be alone and that he needed a helpmate and God filled those needs by creating for Adam his wife Eve. 

Now most people are not satisfied with this brief argument, so let’s go a little deeper. In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, Paul unpacks marriage for us in a way that lines up perfectly with what I just pointed out in Genesis, but he goes a step further by showing us not only what marriage is but what its purpose is as well.

Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Paul is unpacking marriage for the church in Ephesus. He begins by stating the roles of the wife and the husband as God intended them, but then he goes a little deeper by saying in verse 32, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” So what is this mystery that Paul is speaking of? To answer this we’re going to have to look at the context of the word mystery in Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus. In chapter one Paul states that God is “making known to us (Christ’s church) the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth” (Ephesians 1:9-10). He goes on to say that, “In him (Christ) you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory” (Ephesians 1:13-14). So the idea of “the mystery of his will” is tied directly to the Gospel of our salvation.

In chapter three Paul states, “This mystery is that the Gentiles are fellow heirs, members of the same body, and partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel” (Ephesians 3:6). Here we see why Paul has tied the mystery of God’s will to the Gospel; now Jew and Gentile are able to repent and believe and become “partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel.” In the Old Testament God’s chosen people was Israel but now through the person and work of Christ God is redeeming for himself a people from all tribes, tongues, and nations. Through this mystery God is uniting sinful man to Himself. Before we apply this to Ephesians 5 let’s look at one more passage.

Ephesians 3:8-11

8 To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, 9 and to bring to light for everyone what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God who created all things, 10 so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. 11 This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord          

Paul by the grace of God is preaching the unsearchable riches of Christ (the Gospel), so the church (those who repent of their sins and believe in the Gospel) might make the manifold wisdom of God (the Gospel) known… So the mystery is that sinners of all nations are being saved from their sins and reconciled to God, so that they might display the Gospel and the glory of God to the world. Now with this in mind let’s get back to Ephesians 5.

 Ephesians 5:32

32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

What Paul is saying here is that marriage is a God glorifying display of the Gospel to the world. When a man loves his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” he is displaying Christ by sacrificially leading, loving, and serving his wife. In a biblical marriage the husband lays down his wants and needs for the good of his wife and the glory of God. By leading in this way he is painting a picture of the way Christ leads His church. Jesus loved his church so much that He laid everything down and took on our sin by being crucified and having the wrath of God poured out upon Him in our place. Jesus modeled perfect sacrificial love for us on the cross and this is the example the husband is to follow in loving his wife.

On the other side of this is the wife. The wife is called to submit to the leadership of the husband, just as Jesus’ church submits to His leadership. This is not a begrudging submission, but rather a glad submission that comes from the love that they have been shown. And just as the church is to come along side Jesus as His ambassadors (I realize that this is not the best way to word it), so too is the wife to come along side her husband as his helpmate and partner in the Gospel.

So marriage is something that is much bigger than the individuals that are in the relationship. Dr. Albert Mohler, President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary says it like this in his book Desire and Deceit, “Marriage is not merely the arena for sexual activity; it is presented in Scripture as the divinely designed arena for the display of God’s glory on earth as a man and a woman come together in a one-flesh relationship within the marriage covenant. Rightly understood and rightly ordered, marriage is a picture of God’s own covenantal faithfulness.” He goes on to say, “Marriage is to display God’s glory, reveal God’s good gifts to His creatures, and protect humans from the inevitable disaster that follows when sexual passions are divorced from their rightful place.”    

So a biblical marriage, a Christian marriage is bigger than husband and wife because the covenant between husband and wife represents the covenant between God and His chosen people. Alongside this, the purpose of the marriage is to glorify God and image the Gospel to the world; as the husband sacrificially loves and leads his family he’s displaying the love of God to his family and the outside world, and as the wife gladly submits to her husband’s leadership seeking to glorify God by partnering with her husband for the spread of the Gospel and the glory of Christ to be made known in all nations by being faithful disciples who make disciples, they together paint a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and His church.

What about people who are not Christians? If the purpose of marriage is to display God’s covenantal faithfulness to His redeemed people then should a person who is not a Christian even get married? The answer is yes… Marriage though, unlike baptism and the Lord’s Table, is a creation ordinance, given to all people (Genesis 2:23-24). It is good for unbelievers to marry rather than to live in immorality. Paul’s words to the Corinthian church apply to unbelievers as well, “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). Every single human being who has reached puberty has to deal with sexual temptation, that’s why Paul says if you cannot get control over it and you burn with passion then you need to pursue marriage.

Dr. Mohler again says in his book Desire and Deceit, “The human sex drive is not the product of biological evolution or cosmic accident. Our creator made us sexual beings and put a strong sex drive within us in order to drive us toward marriage and the goods that are united in the marital union.” So marriage is the covenantal one-flesh relationship between a man and a woman, designed to glorify God, image the Gospel, and help humanity flee sexual immorality. Anything other than this is simply not marriage. God created it for our good and His glory and no man can redefine it.           

What does the Bible say about homosexuality?

Romans 1:18-32
18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. 24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. 26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. 28 And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. 29 They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31 foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.

            I have often heard people reference this passage and say things such as, “if America doesn’t straighten up, this is exactly what is going to happen.” Well unfortunately this has already happened; it happened in Genesis 3, which was long before America was even thought of. This passage is the story of the fall of man. In our first passage from Genesis 2, man is in the Garden of Eden, which just so happens to be paradise. Man is sinless at that point and in perfect loving relationship with his creator, but it does not last. In Genesis 3 Adam and Eve sin against God, thereby bringing spiritual and physical death into the world; this is exactly what God told them would happen when He gave them their one rule to follow (Genesis 2:17).  Paul tells us that sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin (Romans 5:12). Since the fall all of mankind are born by nature dead in their trespasses and sins, literally slaves to sin (John 8:34, Romans 3:9-12, Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23, Ephesians 2:1). This is what Paul means in Romans 1 when he says God gave them up in the lust of their hearts to impurity… All kinds of impurity are now the result of the fallen heart condition of mankind; today however we will be primarily focusing on homosexuality.

Romans 1:26-27

26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

            Paul assumes two things in this statement. First that his readers would understand that God created marriage to be between a man and a woman, and second that anything outside of this one-flesh relationship would be unnatural because it would go against God’s created design. As we established earlier, God created us as sexual beings in order that our sex drives might push us toward marriage. What Paul means by “natural relations” is sex between a man and a woman within the covenant of marriage…

            With this understood Paul makes the point that homosexuality is a sinful result of the fall of man. Because all men are by nature sinners, all men are now by nature prone to sexual immorality. This plays out differently for everyone but make no mistake, everyone has struggled with some sort of sexual temptation. The common argument for homosexuality today is that the individual was born that way; I am not educated enough in genetics to argue for or against that, but what I do know is that they were most definitely born a sinner and that in itself is reason enough to believe that the individual may very well have been born prone to the sin of homosexuality. The Bible is clear, all of us are going to struggle with sin, however that may play out, but no one should embrace their sinfulness as a lifestyle, instead we must make war against sin by responding to the Gospel in repentance and faith and trusting in the transforming power of the Holy Spirit to give us new hearts.

Dr. Mohler in the above mentioned book states, “Since our sexuality is such an important part of our lives, we are naturally tempted to think that our profile of sexual attraction is central to our identity. But our identity must not be constituted by mere sexuality. We are first of all human beings created in the image of God. Secondly, we are sinners whose falleness is demonstrated in every aspect of our lives—including our sexuality. Every single human being who has reached puberty has to deal with some kind of sexual temptation. For some, that profile of temptation is homosexual; for others it is heterosexual. The key issue for both is what God commands concerning our stewardship of sexuality and the gifts of sex.”

Please, make no mistake, no matter what you may have heard from liberal pastors or theologians; the Bible clearly considers homosexuality along with all other kinds of sexual immorality, such as any sex outside of the covenant of marriage, a sin. Let’s consider another passage of Scripture.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

This passage clearly condemns people who practice homosexuality along with just about everybody else. With all the crazy people running around screaming and holding signs that say God hates homosexuals I fear that Christianity is wrongly perceived to believe that homosexuality is the unforgivable sin. In this passage we can clearly see that this is not the case. After Paul says that those who practice homosexuality will not go to heaven he goes on to say, “And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 6:11). This verse shows that homosexuals can change and become former homosexuals. As with every other sin, the Bible’s solution to homosexuality is trusting in Christ for the forgiveness of sin, the imputation of righteousness, and the power to change. It makes no difference if the person was born this way or not because through repentance and faith in the Gospel they can be born again, alive to Christ and dead to sin.         

There are other passages of Scripture that clearly label homosexuality as a sin but for time sake we will not get into those. Now let’s look at the subject from a different angle. Ok, so the Bible says that homosexuality is wrong, but there are plenty of people who aren’t Christian and don’t believe the Bible, why should you care what they believe, who they want to be with, and how they define marriage? To be a Christian is to be a sinner saved by the grace of God. The Christian knows that the only reason he has been saved from his sins is because God is rich in mercy. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not of your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9). The Christian at one point was in the same state as the rest of mankind, but by the grace of God he heard the Gospel preached and through the work of the Holy Spirit responded to the Gospel in repentance and faith. This being the case, the redeemed man sees the rest of mankind exactly as the Bible says they are, lost and in desperate need of a Savior. No matter how deep someone may be in their sin, no one is hopeless because salvation is the work of God, not sinful man. So the Christian does what he can, sharing the Gospel, praying for others, and trying to pull people away from sin in hopes that they might turn from their sins and embrace Jesus as their Lord and Savior.       

The Bible is clear; sin is deadly, especially sexual sin. This is why Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” As a Bible believing Christian it would be hateful of us to not try and detour people from their sins. Paul knew that the fallen man would not understand this.

Romans 1:32

32 Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.

            Paul knew that man would not only sin but also give approval of sin. The Christian who embraces the Word of God as true cannot live this way. God does not take lightly the approval of sin.

Ezekiel 13:20-23
20 "Therefore thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I am against your magic bands with which you hunt the souls like birds, and I will tear them from your arms, and I will let the souls whom you hunt go free, the souls like birds. 21 Your veils also I will tear off and deliver my people out of your hand, and they shall be no more in your hand as prey, and you shall know that I am the LORD. 22 Because you have disheartened the righteous falsely, although I have not grieved him, and you have encouraged the wicked, that he should not turn from his evil way to save his life, 23 therefore you shall no more see false visions nor practice divination. I will deliver my people out of your hand. And you shall know that I am the LORD." 

Jeremiah 23:14
But in the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen a horrible thing: they commit adultery and walk in lies; they strengthen the hands of evildoers, so that no one turns from his evil; all of them have become like Sodom to me, and its inhabitants like Gomorrah."

            So the Christian pleads with the world around him to flee sexual immorality, as well as all sin, because he cares about their general welfare as well as their eternal welfare. The Christian wants to see man live rightly in God’s created order because he cares about man and because he cares about the glory of God. God has given us a good gift in sex, when it is enjoyed rightly inside the covenant of marriage.

Conclusion

Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

            This is what we are after and what we believe and this is why we care about how a country defines marriage. Marriage, even marriage between unbelievers is something that is much bigger than the husband and his wife. Homosexuality, is not a lifestyle that is to be embraced, it is a sin that is unhealthy for the body and the soul. Homosexuality is not the unforgivable sin, however a lifestyle of un-repented sin because of a disbelief in God and His Word is. This is why Christians care about the morality of a nation. It is our duty to call out as Jesus did in Mark 1:15 “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.” To be against homosexual marriage is not hate, it is love. To stand idle while others around you are perishing is hateful. To encourage others to turn from their sin and believe in the Gospel is love. With that, I will close with one last quote from Dr. Mohler. “No act of the will, no matter how titanic, can solve the problem of sin or offer liberty from the prison of our temptations. The only way out is through the redemption Christ has accomplished. The only way to deal with the problem of sin is to trust the transforming power of the gospel and the renewal that comes to the believer in Christ. Even then, the struggle with temptation will persist—but not without hope and healing.”   

Final Words

            With the current state of affairs, such as the intolerance of tolerance that currently exists I am well aware that many will label me as a hateful, narrow minded, bigot. All I can do is hope and pray that those of you who read this will see my heart and know that I write from a position of love and not of hate.   

 

All the Scripture in this post is quoted from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version, copyright 2000, 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers, 1300 Crescent Street, Wheaton, IL 60187, USA.

All quotes from Dr. Mohler are from his book Desire and Deceit.

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R. Albert Mohler Jr., Desire and Deceit, (Colorado Springs: Multnomah Books, 2008).

True Adoption

Ephesians 1:3-14
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

In human terms, when we adopt a child legally the child is completely and totally ours, however we now have to build a relationship with the child. No parent would be contempt with merely having a child "legally" with no emotional relationship with the child. As the parent adopts the child into his or her family they must now get to know each other, grow closer to one another, and build a relationship in love. The parent already loves the child as they chose to adopt the child not because they had to but because they chose to in love. But the child must grow to love and trust... This takes time and effort but no true parent would be satisfied with having a child without a relationship and so too then, no child would truly be satisfied with merely being adopted legally with no genuine relationship built on love and trust.

Far too many Christians are settling for mere legal adoption into the family of Christ when we have been chosen "in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will" (Eph 1:4-5). Christian, you have full son-ship... The Father chose you in love before the foundation of the world, not so you could merely be adopted but so you would experience fully what it means to be a child of God. All the love, all the joy, all the pleasure of living in relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ and not to mention you get to spend eternity with him.

Stop settling for the mere title of Christian and get to know your Father and his will for you, to "be holy and blameless before him." He saved you to represent Christ here and now and as you do, day by day he is transforming you into the image of Christ. God pulled you from the orphanage of sin, self, and the world and adopted you into a loving relationship with Him. You have been plucked from a self serving wasted life to a life that is lived to the glory of your Father "to the praise of his glorious grace."

Will you be the child who seems to not care at all that he was adopted, who shows no desire to know His Father? Or will you be the child who is filled with joy because he was chosen? Will you be the child that is amazed that he was adopted and has a Father who loves Him and wants a relationship with Him? Will you be the child that is so amazed by the grace and love that he has been shown and continues to be shown that his deepest desire is to live in such a way that honors his Father?

What will you do?

Will you waste it or will you treasure it?

Will you enjoy what it means to be a child of God or will you continue to settle for so much less?

You decide....

How is your love for GOD

Philippians 2:5-8
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Jesus, who is God, came down from heaven and took our punishment. The infinitely glorious God of the universe loved us enough to die in our place. When we begin to grasp this fact then will our hearts and lives begin to change. The Bible tells us that "we love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19).
So what I am proposing is that obedience begins with love; first with the glorious love that we see in the person and work of Jesus Christ, and second with the love that is formed in our heart by God's grace when we respond to the Gospel in repentance and faith. But it does not stop here. We must continue to grow in our love for God because love for God drives out our sinful desires. God is not after begrudging obedience. God is after obedience that stems from love.
So yes we read our Bibles, pray, do ministry and missions, and so on not to be accepted by God but because our gracious God has already accepted us in Christ. So we do all these things to know and to love Him more (also to glorify God and make His glory known), and the more we know and love God the more holy we become and the more joyful we will be.
Every command that God gives, everything He calls us to can only be achieved by repentance and faith, totally surrendering to Jesus. There are no basic practical steps towards obedience; only true love for Christ and the Gospel will fuel our obedience.
So as you struggle to fight the good fight, instead of looking for practical ways to make yourself better or to live your best life now, ask yourself, how's your love for God?